breathless.

So today, I decided that I would focus on 'work' and to keep my mind from concentrating on 'other' things, I put on my playlist from an a-eon ago. And here's where my heart skipped a beat...

I only hope that I one day deserve what you've given me, But all I can do is try, every day of my life.

Shayne Ward's lyrics to 'Breathless'. It's such a pretty song. Does that make sense? :) It's one of those sweet lovey-dovey songs. But then most of the things on my playlist are 'those-typesa-songs'. Would you believe it? I sang 'It Must've Been Love' for my Student Council interview. And whaddia know, four years straight, I'm still in the Council. Unconditional Love I'd say.

Now the track playing is Perhaps Love, it's a Korean Song from 'Princess Hours'. I loved this drama. It was TOO cute! I was actually hooked on the man-hua... or Korean Manga-Comic. Totally worth reading for those who like fairytales. :) and the song, again is Perhaps Love, by J & Howl, from the 'Goong' Soundtrack.

I realized I haven't touched my manga for a while. Anyone else interested in it? I have the entire Imadoki and Alice 19th Series. Have Chobits, Wish, Inu Yasha, Angel Sanctuary, Ceres, Fushigi Yuugi, and others... if someone wants to get their hands on some purchases, get in touch. :D

I thought I'd talk about some weird interests today. :) Adds to the whimsical life-story. :)

I had an interesting evening today, being interviewed by an old school friend, who actually wanted to interview a social media using business for his thesis with a couple of friends. I was honored really. Made me reminisce the whole initial Firefly process :) and how it all started. It feels great to be celebrating one year very soon. InshaALLAH. I'm slightly sad I won't be around to do the Firefly party, but still proud that it's grown so much in a year with the love and warmth.

Hope you all continue to smile.... with silly little notes that read Smile Sunshine!

Just a Little Girl

What you believe I am,
What you perceive,
Is a little girl,
Mute in her daze,
Whimsical in her steps.

That is not who I am.
I know just who you see,
It's someone who wishes to dream,
Even out of her sleep.
She's not pretty,
Maybe she's sweet.
But she's just a little girl.

Isn't that what you see in me?
You claim to know me so well.
You know me head to toe,
But that's not what I am,
Or at least, that's not what 'I' believe.

I have a heart,
It beats like your own.
I have a mind,
It speaks, often on its own,
I have immense strength.
And a courage of might,

Yes, I sigh and I frown,
I giggle when I'm numb,
I paint when it rains,
And I sing when I'm happy.
That is behavior of a fine little girl...

What must I do to make you see,
I'm not a little girl,
there's more to me!
I have fought my battles,
I have cried my sorrows,
I have walked long distances,
And have accomplished what I set out to do!

I've smiled at every raindrop that's fallen,
Out of dark skies and thunder showers,
I've pleasantly embraced all that's been sent my way,
And yet, I am just a little girl?
Why is it so hard to find,
Someone that'd sweep you away and make you whole.
And once you do,
They don't want to accept you,
Because you're just a little girl!

I am not,
I assure you.
I've got pride on my shoulders,
I've got faith in my eyes,
I'm not fragile,
Nor am I weak.
Feeling broken,
When my world has been washed away,
After those storms have torn through, above and under,
I have held close my thousand reasons to smile,

And still, standing I am... in your eyes just a little girl.
When you understand those reasons,
And watch a bittersweet glee,
You will have opened your eyes,
And found the young woman in me,
I pray you do,
Because I swear by swear,
Honest, It's true.
I might have really fallen...
Is it you?

Nah, it's just the little girl inside,
Who feels she might have really found something...
Even now, to you that's just the little girl talking.


I tell myself I'm going to change. I'm going to be strong. I'm not going to break and I won't let it melt my heart. And it happens. Once, twice... and again. I can't change who I am. I should. But I don't. Why? I ask myself that so many times. I just wouldn't be the same. My life wouldn't be the same. And when something's worth it... you give. Even if you break in doing so. Because you know you've tried. Because you've given it your all. And if even then, things don't turn out, there's a greater plan in store. I'm hopeful.

Journey of the Seven Sands

I walk on the dunes paved in color,
Seven of the rainbow.
Seven of the seas.
In them,
I meet each season,
I’ve always been in search of something,
And it has taken me a forever to see it’s me that I’ve been looking for.

The first of the seven sands is my beautiful dream.
Bright and sunny,
A golden yellow.
Here the flowers are in full bloom,
And when they turn to sleep,
Fireflies illuminate the surroundings,
Hovering over the sweet scented blossoms,
Lighting the night to keep me from getting lost in my own dreams.
I’m happy.
I walk in the paradise of Eden, where even the distant stars fall in my reach.
I walk and I stroll and I step onto the second of the seven.

Here, my feet begin to ache,
It is hot, there is no oasis,
No earthly spring.
And this is when I wish I could go.
Back to my yellow sand to lie under the endless skies,
Even when the sun is in full gleam.
The sand I walk on gives me shudders in every stride.
For there is no direction and all I want to do is hide.
I look within me to find what it is that makes me want to run away.
I have been trotting on the sand of fear,
Which was once a means of my cowardly escape.
I dash and I dodge,
The serpents begin to rise.
I walk on red sand,
And I wonder if it is wise.
The red sand engulfs me.
Like overwhelming tides that rise at the new moon.

I begin to find myself floating alongside companions,
I smile again.
It is way too soon, bursts of orange come to loom.
These allies embrace me,
Vow to protect me and keep me safe.
They make me merry.
Like it’s that sweet golden place.
I disclose to them all my pleasant thoughts.
I in fact share with them all of life’s dreams.
Those I’ve had as a little girl,
Those I’ve begun to see as a young woman.
They’re silly, some completely absurd.
Some impossible to achieve,
And others I only wish I could conquer.
The orange sand was welcoming,
It charmed me to surface.
And it too begins to change.
I feel vulnerable.
I feel broken.
I don’t want to stay.
This disguised Euphoria was a minion in hiding from display.
I travel west and return to east.
There’s no running away.
I lower my head in patience I pray.
Til again, I see hues of yellow waltzing my way.

The sand is now reminiscent of my Eden.
A lush green.
It shifts from patches of dark and light.
Where I skip through a pleasant breeze.
Alongside my feet I see stones,
I stoop and slide to collect them,
For no reason really.
Just to bid my time.
I gather unknown strength and begin to glide.

I stumble to tread on an ice paved ground.
Blue in hue and blissful in chills.
I’m careful to watch where I step as ice may be thin.
To see where it may break, I toss those stones,
Like words I once spoke.
They have no impact,
They are fragile and fall to the ground.
They are no longer stones,
But just pebbles I had found.
The frost against my feet begins to bite,
The scars from the pricks of thorns wish to heal,
I struggle to pass this sand.
I limp to leave the frozen water.
And have broken away from the sand of the sea.

I have found it,
I am walking on not one of seven sands,
But all of them whole.
The sand is pretty,
It glimmers like jewels under the sun.
The colors are a haze,
They are full of life.
When all of them combine,
They bring out an ashen white.
It is pure and pristine,
For I wish I could truly be.
Far from the royal violet.
Dark and stained,
Distant from glee.
The white is full of faith, full of hope that forever carries me.
I suppose that was the purpose of the seven sands.
To make me travel,
To make me see.
How six of them combined can bring me where I need to be.
Where everything has had a reason,
And reason has had everything.
Where my dreams are never out of reach and hurt only heals.
Maybe that IS the fate written for a lost and gullible me.
To grow as a person,
To accept the serene life that has been ordained,
With only a prayer’s plea.

Falling in Love with a Star

There are so many stars in the sky tonight,
They flicker and shine,
Not looking down on me,
But watching me,
As I stare at them,
In a completely awestruck gaze,
I ask myself if each one has a name,
I wonder which one smiles,
And which one frowns,
Which one's pretty,
Which two are friends,
Do stars live peaceful lives?
I mean,
They are born, like you and I were one day,
And will depart, too.
Do the stars cry when one falls to earth?
Do they weep when love is lost?
Maybe they're strong,
Maybe they argue.
They might comfort one another,
In the galaxy so vast and so wide,
These stars are all the same,
Lonely and unnoticed,
They shine bright,
And on nights like tonight,
They bring smiles,
To faces like mine,
I hadn't looked up at my star in so long,
I had forgotten and moved on.
Maybe tonight I see them all differently.
Tonight the stars are as close as a distant friend,
And I wait,
Silently eloped,
My heart falling into conversation with one of the many,
Beautiful beacons,
I watch them sing and dance as though waltzing in joy,
And when I look again,
They are just stars in the sky.
So far away,
Just a tinge of light.
I walk away because I shall not dream.
I must awake.
Before my soul, my love is what that star forever takes.


I'm all dreamy eyed again. And I honestly shouldn't be. Because things fall and destiny plays her game. I feel something, and then it runs off. I can't hold it for long. And at night, when all is said and done, I just cower... and cry. I can't take it anymore.

Apollo

He'd walk with pride,
Even under the heat of the April sun.
His ringlets complimented his fine face.
His tan glowed as his brow glistened,
His physique wasn't flimsy.
It complimented his collosal height.
When walking, his steps were profound.
His gaze everlasting in mystery.
His eyes spoke, and his smile sent one to the heavens.
This deity was a hero's strength.
A leap of courage,
And a might of a nobleman.
Until he lost himself to a dream.
And that is where,
The ruler of the sun, Apollo, fell.
Only because he cried for an angel.
Narration of emotion's deceit?
Or maybe this feeling is a veil.
It curtains the bitter truths.
And makes everything look so bright and warm.
Neigh, It isn't such now is it?
This trance takes Apollo to oblivion.
Where hope is only hope.
And bliss is just a vision.
The story ends there.
Apollo, King of the sun, drowns.
All light, of heaven, earth and even Hades' underworld becomes quiet.
The silence breathes in her absence,
As all else remains still,
Glum and alone.

Indus by Night

The canvas tonight was beautiful.
Its frame was golden,
Old and ancient,
Looking as real as it could be.
The sky spun a gradient,
Rising pinks transforming into blues,
Shifting into the galaxy.
I gaze into this frame from where the lighting falls,
The call to prayer resonates from moments ago.
The breeze sweeps on by,
And everything becomes quiet again.
That’s when I look closer at the painting.
I find the charming moon smiling down on me.
I feel exhilarated.
My heart races as I watch in wonder.
I shake my head,
Because I have to wake up,
To get back to what is real.
And the real place echoes with voices,
Ceiling fans rotate,
Papers shuffle and conceptual thoughts lurk.
The painting was a sweeter reality.
Unfortunately, one can only escape,
To those departures framed in the sky.

Crimson

Years of conversation,
In fragments and as a whole,
Memories,
That grew into something more.
Til when a day came,
It all had to flutter away.
But Crimson was strong.
She didn’t sway.
When her heart was broken,
She smiled.
When her smile was weak,
She laughed.
And when she could laugh no more,
Tears came to her eyes,
As life was a joy.
And everything that came with it,
Was only a beginning.
The beginning that would march to her free spirit,
Bright, Bold, Beautiful and full of Belief.